I shake the hand of someone who holds an unfamiliar face. A few words in, I’m adding sugar and honey to my personality. I cherry pick and showcase my sexiest traits. As people, we do everything we can to sweeten ourselves into a version of ourselves we think others will respond to. For me, this means I water my personality down for the constant voice … Continue reading my fear of being too much.
Is happiness really my choice if it’s brought on by pills?
Am I leaning onto a crutch instead of trying to heal from within, naturally?
Is it smart for me to go off of meds, or entirely selfish when I know the worst of my episodes my own life in danger and cause my loved ones an unimaginable amount of pain? Continue reading psych meds and spirituality
About a month and a half ago, in a frenzied manic state, I wrote an article called “almost killed myself, fake on Instagram + other things I shouldn’t talk about”. I didn’t edit, re-read, or think twice when I posted it. Overnight, that became my most read post on this blog. At first, that was frightening. It went from no one knowing to nearly everyone … Continue reading Why I REALLY talk about my mental illness + a short update
It has been a hot second since I’ve posted anything. One of my last posts about my almost-suicide got a lot more attention than I could’ve imagined. It weirdly deterred me from writing more, honestly. I just returned from another trip from the hospital, I had barely entered my doorway when inspiration struck for a poem. I spent the next five hours, writing a … Continue reading what having bipolar disorder feels like
Nineteen, That’s how old I am. I’m sitting on a bus currently, on my way north, brand new to traveling on my own. I recently put my first book up for pre-order, a thing I’ve been aspiring to do for as long as I can remember. I am thinking of all the novels I started and didn’t finish throughout the years. My earliest memory being … Continue reading Growing old and falling short
911 what’s your emergency? Could a heart actually burst with love? Lying in your arms, I find my chest ache, an indescribable feeling, For once I’m at loss for words, Mesmerized by your breaths Memorizing the moment Stillness Softly snoring I didn’t know I could love like this. Could I freeze this moment? Could I freeze this feeling? I look over in pure awe. Do … Continue reading A Letter for a Lover.
Love was meant to be Starry nights and making wishes. Candlight and silly pictures. It was meant to be a free fall, a thrill chase, it was something else entirely. Fun drinking game: take a shot every time I use the word ‘love’ in this post, you may not be able to stand, let alone love, you’ve been warned. Can you really trust your mind? … Continue reading What is love?
“No” “I’m tired” “I’m sleepy” “Not right now” He turned away, “I’m not mad” His lips pressed together, I brought my mouth to his. Wiping my tears, Slapping the steering wheel. “You’re better than this.” Eyes in the rearview mirror, No longer mine But wholeheartedly his. One step back, One dark look, A tug of the tether, I took two steps forward. … Continue reading a tug of the tether.
A middle-aged white man is wallowing in regret as he tells Kumail Nanjani how he cheated on his wife and made the biggest mistake of his life. It was a moment of weakness, the pleasure didn’t even last a moment, he was filled with regret. A marriage spanning decades crumbles with a bad decision. “You’ll know you’re with the love of your life when you … Continue reading Cheat on your wife and quit your job.
I was partly inspired to write this blog post while reading one of my all-time favorite books, The Wrath and the Dawn by Renee Ahdieh for a third time. It’s just one of those books that describes love so poetically and beautifully where I can’t help but think “I wish I had the capability to write words that beautifully.” But Renee Ahdieh was only part … Continue reading I’m a romantic and I LOVE it.